Happy Valentine’s Day!

Happy V-Day of Love everybody!  I hope you have a special someone to cuddle up next to on this cold cold day.  If you’re away from them on a trip, send em something nice and a phone call is always nice.  If you DON’T have anyone.  I suggest a body pillow.

body-pillow

Or go out and enjoy an anti-valentine’s party!

love-stinks

Whatever you decide to do.  Do it with love and love doing it.  :)

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16 Responses to Happy Valentine’s Day!

  1. Kendal February 15, 2014 at 6:30 pm #

    Valentine’s Day is lame. If people can’t remember to show appreciation for their significant other without big noisy red and pink hearts and flowers in their face everywhere they go, well…. screw them.

    • Zach of All Trades February 15, 2014 at 7:30 pm #

      Wow, how do you really feel? ;)

      I agree it’s very commercialized. What I find funny though is typically no matter how much a girl says she doesn’t want anything for Valentine’s Day, if you don’t actually get her anything, she’s still at least a teensy bit upset.

      So here’s a tip for all dudes, if you ever ask yourself, “Should I get her something for ________?” The answer is always yes.

      • Kendal February 15, 2014 at 7:53 pm #

        I was glad my guy didn’t say anything about Valentine’s day. I would have felt he was caving in to peer pressure. I’d rather be genuinely surprised some other day. Though men just seem to be bad at that….

        • Zach of All Trades February 15, 2014 at 8:21 pm #

          We’re getting to a sensitive topic now.
          How often do you genuinely surprise him with something?

  2. Kendal February 15, 2014 at 8:27 pm #

    I admit I’ve gotten discouraged doing things for guys… I used to be the queen of surprises. Sadly, it’s turned into a “let me see you do it first” sort of thing, before I put so much effort in. Had a discussion with a gf on FB about this recently. I’m not the only one who’s gotten worn out of being the only one with surprises up her sleeve. I’m just tired of them not being appreciated and reciprocated.

    • Zach of All Trades February 16, 2014 at 10:16 am #

      This is turning into a chicken or the egg kind of thing. But let me break it down from a guy’s perspective on how it typically goes.
      1. Girl gets a guy a random gift
      2. Guy’s like oh um thanks. Did I forget an anniversary or something? She says Nope, just wanted to do something nice for you. Which we actually take literally. It takes us a while to realize this is actually just the girl saying “this is the kind of thing I want you to do for me.”
      3. Guys don’t need these surprises so we’re a little taken aback and even worried when we get them cause we know that means that we have to do something back and we’re afraid that it’s going to set a precedent and we’ll be buying stuff all the time when we already pay for most, if not all meals together and take her out on special occasions. The numbers start adding up and we rationalize that all these meals I’m paying for balance out with the surprises she gets me so it’s a partnership. And things are good. Then she gets mad and we don’t know why.
      Does that help?

  3. Kendal February 16, 2014 at 10:55 am #

    Well it might make sense if the guy is actually taking her out and paying for meals…. let’s say he’s not. Let’s say that’s usually the case with the guys I’m with. I don’t get that, and I don’t get little surprises. Though he did get me a little gift on Christmas even though we weren’t celebrating. Other little surprises may be the total of like, 3 times that I didn’t have to pay for my half of dinner. Or when he’ll pay for the groceries I added to the cart. And then I do the same, so that all evens out, monetarily. Doing dishes for each other… etc… these things are just nice to do and they should be done. But maybe making a little scavenger hunt around the house, or being surprised with a wall of Post-it’s saying what you love about them, or stocking the freezer with their favourite chocolate or something like that… it doesn’t cost much, and it’s fun. These are the kinds of things I would do, though haven’t recently because well, I haven’t felt much inspired. It’s not as if I don’t have my pick of men at any given moment, and I choose “you”, I’d like to feel like “you” appreciate that I am spending my fertile years investing in a relationship with “you” and perhaps “you” want to show me that I made the right choice, and figure out what would make me feel appreciated. I’m not saying there aren’t women who don’t appreciate their men, we should all show appreciation…. I’d just like men to take a little more initiative in more creative ways. Make life fun. The easy way out is to say “well I pay for everything.” That’s great. It’s easy to take money out of a wallet. It’s easy to get a card, or a flower…. but it takes a little more thought to be original. And we women like when some thought is put into something. For example…. one time, I bought a violin and learned to play my (at the time) boyfriend’s favourite song on it for Christmas. Then I got his kids to accompany on guitar and piano. I don’t even remember what he got me that year, but it may have been a gift certificate. I remember one he gave me for a spa, and one for a hat shop I liked. Both very useful, and enjoyable, but I always felt like I put more time and effort into my gifts. After finding that everyone I dated seemed preoccupied with themselves, I started giving up. I love to get thoughtful gifts and do thoughtful things for people, but…. it’s more fun if we’re both doing it.

  4. Zach of All Trades February 16, 2014 at 1:41 pm #

    I think it’s very important to find someone who complements you. That is, someone who is different than you but those differences make you stronger together; of course actually giving you complements is nice too. It’s also important to find someone with whom you share commonalities. Ergo, it’s all about Balance.

    First, you need to be very specific with yourself about what you want from a guy, then you need to tell him what you want. Many women just expect guys to know, but we’re not telepathic. I know the concept of “well it loses its magic if I just tell him.” but that gets very frustrating as a guy. We are very task oriented and we want to see the end of the road. If the idea is for us to just keep trying things until we get it right, well that’s very overwhelming and we’ll most likely give up before we start. So be specific.

    It doesn’t help that there are a lot of opportunities for guys out there now as well. It has become easier and easier to move in and out of relationships. There’s far less commitment for the long term. One thing, I’m always surprised by are the following statistics. The avg guy will say he’s not looking for anything serious. The avg girl will say she is. Not surprising, but what is, is of the guys who say they are looking for a relationship, when asked how long they want it to last, they typically say the rest of their lives whereas the avg woman who wants a relationship will say for a few years. That boggled my mind the first time i heard it. It doesn’t make sense to me. It’s just another example of how men and women think differently.

    It will be a constant battle to make one understand the other. The bottom line is communication. it might not be as magical to tell your guys exactly what you want, but at least you’ll get what you want, and then tell him to get creative for the next time. He’ll probably find it frustrating at first, but over time, he might start to like it, and that’s a good indicator that he’s someone for you. Sidenote: you need to date better, more positive dudes. that’s my personal opinion.

  5. Kendal February 16, 2014 at 7:03 pm #

    Early on, I suggested we tell each other 3 things the other could say or do to let them know they’re appreciated. Because everyone has their own thing. I could offer you a back rub, but that might not make your heart melt the way it would make mine melt. I suppose I’ll have to ask him again, because I went ahead and gave him my examples, but I still don’t know what I can do for him. On the plus side, it did help to have that discussion and say “one of the things you can do for me is offer to rub my back, instead of just waiting for me to ask if you could. Because I’ll always accept!” I’ve gotten many more back rubs.

    On the flip side…. guys could just ASK us… “what would you enjoy? What could I do that would make you smile and feel loved?” They don’t have to guess. :-P

  6. Zach of All Trades February 16, 2014 at 10:50 pm #

    I think that depends on the relationship, but I know in the past when I’ve asked, I’ve gotten cute things like “just be here with me” or “just being with you is all I need” or even “I don’t know.” Which is nice but very unhelpful cause you know it isn’t true. It goes along with the whole “magic” thing and “if I tell him, then it’s not spontaneous” Stuff like that just makes me roll my eyes and groan in frustration. I guess you hear stuff like that enough and you stop asking.

    There’s issues with communication on both sides. It’s just something that will always be an uphill battle as both people change over time. It’s the human condition.

  7. Kendal February 17, 2014 at 11:34 am #

    Be persistant! lol Say, “No, really. Seriously. Think about it, because I don’t want you pissed at me for not doing something you’d like me to do. I’m a man. I need help.” hehe.

    • Zach of All Trades February 17, 2014 at 12:22 pm #

      Yeah cause that wouldn’t run the moment.

      We can both complain all we want about the opposite sex. OR we can accept the differences between the two, try to be patient and still get what we want out of the relationship. The only time relationships are easy is when looking from the outside in. When you get in them, it requires work and understanding. One thing that helps ALOT, is to have YOUR shit together first, then look for someone who also has theirs together also, otherwise our expectations to “fix my life”, conscious or unconscious, are way to high and overwhelming for the other person.

  8. Kendal February 17, 2014 at 1:17 pm #

    You know why I think it gets easier and easier to leave relationships? Because as we get older and wiser, we know what we want, we won’t put up with as much BS, and we’re not as afraid of being alone. So we can say, “You know what? I’ve let you know what my expectations are and where I see my life headed, and if you’re not on board then let’s part ways. Life’s too short.” But on the flip side, we’re so entrenched in our own lives it gets harder to integrate someone else and their life (which they’re also pretty attached to). So you’ve got two stubborn people who don’t feel like they should have to change. lol.

    • Zach of All Trades February 17, 2014 at 1:58 pm #

      You got it! Back in the day, before the internet and the decay of cultural pressures, you just stayed with whoever you were with cause a.) there really was no one easily attainable, and b) everyone said you had to!

      Now, everyone is absorbed into their own lives so no one cares much about the decisions their friends make, but when you get in a relationship, well you better do it all this way cause this is who I am. And when both people do that, it’s just not gonna work. You’re totally right.

  9. Kendal February 18, 2014 at 11:39 am #

    When I see the traveling couples on twitter, I get so envious. I mean that’s the ultimate test. It’s one thing if you both want to stay in the same town, or even just have to consider one move somewhere. But to constantly find ways of agreeing on where you’re going next, how long to be away, how to deal with everything while traveling… and they do it. There must be a ton of compromise. But they’re happy to do it, because a relationship is give and take. Instead of…. well you go there, then we’ll meet up here after I go this other place… and eventually I’ll meet you back “home.” Sure…..

    • Zach of All Trades February 18, 2014 at 2:12 pm #

      Yeah, I have a problem with that. Not so much anymore because I’ve been most places. But it’s largely because I don’t see anything wrong with “you go there and I’ll go here” but apparently it’s bad cause the girl either gets mad or “feels like we’re growing apart” meanwhile I’m right where I was in the relationship. Men typically do not need closeness like women do and so things that we do that don’t matter to us can make the woman feel like we don’t care about them. Which is not the case, but they’re not getting that constant reassurance they need. Goes back to communication and compromise. It does help to understand the thought process of the opposite sex though.

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